Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
