im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
