Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
