Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
