My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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