it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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