She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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