Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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