Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
