I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
it was like eating out sand paper
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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