we have officially lost it.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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