Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
