It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
