what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize