how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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