I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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