Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
