Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
