They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
