Only a mothe r could love this liver
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
