I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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