the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize