you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
