So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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