You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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