I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
