does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
