jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
