is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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