I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
