I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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