i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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