Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
