JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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