Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
