your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
