went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
