The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
