we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I lost the right to judge tonight
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
