dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she pinky promised me she was 18
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
