So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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