Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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