Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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