If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
