My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
