she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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