At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
