if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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