i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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