I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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