Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
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