My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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