Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
