After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Drunk is a universal language darling
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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