i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
