Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
