I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
