whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
