Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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