dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
