i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
