In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
