I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My vagina is very pro this idea
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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