tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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