I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
