Just cropdusted the office
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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