I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
