I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
