god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Will you blow on my dice?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
tell me about the eggs
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